I came to the realization this morning that our lives are completely ruled by numbers. NUMBERS... Think about it.

Last night I barely slept. I had a hard time falling asleep after finally writing my first blog post in forever and when I finally did, I woke up several times because I was afraid of the battle I would face when my alarm sounded.

1:00 a.m. - is it time? No excuses. Woo, plenty of time to go back to sleep
2:12 a.m. - is it time? I got this.
2:42 a.m. - WHAT time is it? Ok good.
4:10 a.m. - Now? No, hmm do I have to pee?
5:00 a.m. - Yes? No. Well now I have to pee but then I will go back to bed.
5:05 a.m.- What if I finally fall back asleep and am too tired to get up. What if my excuse wins?
5:07 a.m. - Screw it, I am up. Let's just do this...

I successfully beat the first battle of excuses but quickly entered round 2.

I have always been one to weigh myself, pretty much daily (sometimes 2-3 times a day). I thought that was a good thing - like being able to face your number and own it. I always said I didn't let the results effect me.

As I reflect, I can say total B.S. to that. Even though I tried to be the boss, I know on a deeper level those pounds called the shots. If it was lower than I thought it was a perfect excuse to "treat" myself or skip that walk I had planned on. If it was higher than I wanted at first it might be motivating but later in the day I may cure the stress with an extra serving of whatever. It wasn't always obvious, but I had no control.

SO... as Anna so eloquently reminded me yesterday, "The definition of insanity is do the same thing and expecting different results." This time I would not get on the scale everyday. Maybe once a week. Maybe someday I could even step on every other week.

There I was in the bathroom about to put my workout clothes on and I stared down the scale. I have been at this for TWO WHOLE DAYS.
  • Would the scale reward my new focus?
  • Had I finally started moving in the right direction?
  • I know I said I wouldn't
  • I shouldn't
I did.

So I lost my willpower with the scale and took a peak. Ever so slightly trending down but nothing to get excited about. My goal is to go at least 3 more days but ideally a week.

I may have to have someone hide it from me.

As I punched in a bunch of numbers on the elliptical trainer it dawned on me how much my life is surrendered to numbers.

I truly believe we all struggle with some number. It may be weight, financial, time, age, grades, grams, ounces... Pick one.

I always heard words cause the most pain. Maybe. But numbers cause the most stress.

My new goal is to make numbers my Biotch.

And thank you to Gwen for the inspiration for the title of this post. Love rocking out to my favorite pop divas. Makes the workout a little more tolerable.

On to Day 4


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