Some Day My Kids Will Hate Me for This One

If I haven't mentioned it already, I am so not ready to be the mom of teenagers, or even tweens. This weekend we made the leap and got Alex a cell phone. There is no going back now. I think Pete and I are still in shock. I imagine this year, sometime, he will start shaving and I will make Pete give the first of many talks.

I vividly remember my "Talks" with my mom. We had a program in school called "Family Life". At the time it was the most painful experience E...V...E...R.... God, I hated when it was time to pull out that book. My mom and I would go in her room and talk about whatever mortifying topic the book deemed necessary. Learning about the female cycle, I remember thinking how I couldn't believe my mom had been going through that every month and I had no idea. My mom is not the sneaky type so I was a bit, well floored actually, that she kept this "secret" from me.

Anna was pretty much in the dark about all this until just the last year. You see, once Ella became mobile, I started taking her in the bathroom with me. It was safer than leaving her out with our very un-baby-proofed house. She loves to get in the cabinets while I am in there. One of her favorite things is a tampon. She gets one out, unwraps it, then uses it as a microphone. Typically she loses interest before we make it downstairs, but every once in a while one will find its way to the living room or other family populated room of the house.

Anna has asked several times what they are, but I am a firm believer in just letting kids know what they need to and what I think they can handle. I was not about to go into that "Talk" at that moment so I just say they are things for women that she will have to deal with in a few years. It was enough to put her off, but I know she is dying to know what they are.

Last week, Anna, Ella and I were watching TV together when a Kotex commercial came on. Honestly, I didn't even realize it was playing until Anna shouted, "Hhhaaaaauuuuud, What is that stuff?!!!"

I busted out laughing on the inside, but outwardly, I just looked at her and said, "Do you really want to know?"

"YYYYEEEAAAAASSSS!!!!" was her exact response.

So here is how my explanation went:

"Once you go through puberty, your body starts preparing for making a baby. Which you won't actually make a baby until you are married. But your body gets ready. Each month you body releases a tiny egg which travels down a little tube into the area in your belly where the baby would grow. If the egg isn't fertilized, which it won't until you are married, your body needs to get rid of the egg. When this happens you bleed for a few days and these are different products to help make the bleeding not so messy."

I wish I had a camera at that moment.

"UUUUEEEEEEeeeeeeewwwwwww, GROSS!!! Why do we have to be the one to have a baby? That is so not fair."

I think that is the universal reaction to discovering what makes us women.